Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Friend Did It

Writing is a great way to express yourself. I do it all the time. I communicate much better through writing than I do speech. A piece of writing can be published and last forever. Even after the book/magazine/newspaper is recycled or archived, there will be a record of it somewhere.

Many women throughout the ages have used writing and rhetoric to try and change the world. They've done a hell of a job if you ask me! For most of history, Anonymous was a women. No one would have taken her seriously if she gave her real name. Eventually, I hope to be an accomplished writer too.

We read a speech by Andrea Dworkin that really got to me. This was given in 1983, titled “I Want a Twenty-Four-Hour Truce During Which There Is No Rape.” Can you imagine? Honestly, even I can’t. How horrible is that? It’s been around since the dawn of time, and it used to be okay. Some people still act like it’s okay. She asks: “Why are you so slow?” She says things that just break my heart like: “We do not have time. We women. We don't have forever. Some of us don't have another week or another day to take time for you to discuss whatever it is that will enable you to go out into those streets and do something. We are very close to death. All women are. And we are very close to rape and we are very close to beating. And we are inside a system of humiliation from which there is no escape for us.”

I feel like a lot of the issue about rape and how so many people ignore it and blame victims and just overall pretend it’s not real, is because it used to be legal. The definition has changed. It used to be okay to rape your spouse. People get raped by family members, babysitters, their own significant others, their friends.

How many of you have been there? Where you thought rape wasn’t possible unless it was a stranger? How many times have you trusted someone enough to be alone with them and something bad happened? And you didn’t want to tell anyone because they’d just take his side? He’d lie, say it had all been your idea, you seduced him, blah blah blah. Oh here’s an idea, if I wanted to sleep with you, I would have done it the first time you asked, DUMBASS.


But of course when I try to point that out, this happens:


People like this Derik are why people think this crap is okay. Dworkin continues: “It is an extraordinary thing to try to understand and confront why it is that men believe – and men do believe – that they have the right to rape. Men may not believe it when asked…It's in life that men believe they have the right to force sex, which they don't call rape.”


FORCED SEX IS THE SAME THING AS RAPE YOU MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Hiding behind guilt, that's my favorite. I love that one. Oh, it's horrible, yes, and I'm so sorry. You have the time to feel guilty. We don't have the time for you to feel guilty. Your guilt is a form of acquiescence in what continues to occur. Your guilt helps keep things the way they are…Your guilt, your suffering, reduces to: gee, we really feel so bad. Everything makes men feel so bad: what you do, what you don't do, what you want to do, what you don't want to want to do but are going to do anyway. I think most of your distress is: gee, we really feel so bad. And I'm sorry that you feel so bad – so uselessly and stupidly bad – because there is a way in which this really is your tragedy. And I don't mean because you can't cry. And I don't mean because there is no real intimacy in your lives. And I don't mean because the armor that you have to live with as men is stultifying: and I don't doubt that it is. But I don't mean any of that.”

This speech just blows my mind.

“Intimacy is worth having. Tenderness is worth having. Cooperation is worth having. A real emotional life is worth having. But you can't have them in a world with rape. Ending homophobia is worth doing. But you can't do it in a world with rape. Rape stands in the way of each and every one of those things you say you want. And by rape you know what I mean. A judge does not have to walk into this room and say that according to statute such and such these are the elements of proof. We're talking about any kind of coerced sex, including sex coerced by poverty.”

BOOM. Like Andrea, I leave you here to listen to this and do this for the women you say you love.


Monday, March 9, 2015

Rejection

So this happened years ago, but I thought I’d bring it up –

Guy: Hey my buddy is interested in you, are you interested in him?
Me: No.
Guy: Okay, I’ll go tell him to get lost.
Me: DON’T SAY THAT!

Why did I do that? I was probably afraid of this:




Who knows what he would have done? My favorite example of a jerk is someone who is hitting on a woman and then calling her a dog/whore when she shows she's not interested. He stomps off saying he can do better. Well then why was he hitting on her!?!?!? He was interested until she rejected him and he couldn't handle it!


IT’S SO LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!! If I ever reject a guy, he asks why. It’s none of your business, that’s why. And then he goes around calling me names, saying we hooked up even though we didn’t. Seriously dude? I find it rather hilarious that I’m more likely to be called a slut by someone I didn’t do anything with.

Is it really so bad when someone you like isn’t interested? Sure, it’s not fun to hear, but why act like a child about it?

And I know what you’re thinking – “Not all men are like that!” Please. I know (and so does every other woman) that not all men are like that. But enough are that it’s a problem. This person explains it perfectly:


YOU may not be that kind of guy. But enough guys have been shitheads to the point that a girl will be afraid of you just for being a guy. I try not to jump to conclusions, but this isn’t just about my experiences – it’s about all women. And this situation will not change if we try to share our stories and get shut down by you saying: “Not all men are like that!”

You know what you sound like when you respond that way?


Read this tea thing about consent:  


Stuff like this is all over the place, and yet people still can’t tie it to sexual assault. Interesting…