Gender and...hair?

Today I want to talk about gender roles and stereotyping. I think it's great that people are challenging this. If a guy wants to do something considered “girly,” leave him alone. If a girl wants to do something considered “manly,” leave her alone. Let men be emotional and let women be tough, because each of us has a level of both and it’s not okay to shame someone for being too manly or girly if it doesn’t match the gender they’re “supposed” to identify with. 

Now here's my problem: What about the people who actually fall into their stereotype and like it? It has now become weird for identifying women to be feminine and identifying men to be masculine. It's like we’re trying to reverse everything and make men into women and women into men (stereotypically of course). Not that that's bad, since gender roles are stupid to begin with, but some people actually want to identify with those old ideals and they shouldn't be shamed either. That’s the whole point of removing gender roles isn’t it?

Girls like me are shamed for being girly. And I’m not even the stereotypical girly girl, and I have to add that so I don’t get made fun of. It's like it's worse now for girls to like girly things than guys. If a guy likes a girly thing, he’s just being himself. If a girl likes a girly thing, she’s conforming to the patriarchy. I like sparkly things and romantic comedies and I’m practically a vegan and I'm not interested in sex and I'm going to school for a field that's mostly dominated by women and people tell me there's something wrong with me because I don't want to be “manly.” I have to defend myself constantly.

I thought the purpose of getting rid of stereotyping was to let people be themselves, male or female, no matter what sex they were born verses the gender they identify with. I happen to be born female and identify with being female, just like my brother is male identifying as male. He may not have stereotypically been into sports in high school, but I still view him as a man and always will. 

I recently saw an interesting comic online similar. There's all this crap about women who want short hair are only doing it to “punish men” and not be feminine. Pffffffff who the hell cares??? They wanted a short haircut so they got one! Got nothing to do with you! Stuff like that makes me feel bad too because I have long hair. But the thing is, I didn't grow it out for men or to prove my femininity. I grew it out for myself, good God, just like girls with short hair cut it for themselves. They liked it, it looks cute, leave them alone. So also leave alone girls who want to have long hair! I like having long hair. What's it to you? And, more guys these days have long hair. What do they hear? “Cut your hair and get a job.” I think if a guy wants to grow his hair out, let him. Most guys actually pull it off really well. I can't believe even hairstyles are such a big deal in this society. 

This girl has short hair and she’s super cute.

This girl has long hair and she’s super cute.

I see no difference in femininity, do you? Every person is different. 

Colton Haynes has short hair and he’s super cute.

Orlando Bloom had long hair for Lord of The Rings and he’s super cute.

I see no difference in masculinity, do you? Every person is different. Geez. No one can win in this society anymore. 

Asking For It?

Since at least the 16th Century (or as far back as any of us care to know) there are plenty of famous women that have argued men and women were equal. Judith Sargent Murray (1751-1820) is one I read recently. Back then women were tired of being called weak. What are we tired of being called now? Crazy. Bitchy. Slutty. It's often all at the same time too. When did it go from “Ladies First” to “Asking for It”?

Courtney Fraser wrote an article for the California Law Review (From “Ladies First” to “Asking for It”: Benevolent Sexism in the Maintenance of Rape Culture)  and it’s long as hell, but a worthwhile read. She writes: “While the link between rape and misogyny is obvious, the role of ostensibly benevolent sexism in sexual violence is less intuitive because many see the effects of this modern chivalry as beneficial to women.”

I don’t even know what that means. She also writes that people treat rape “at the ‘incident’ level rather than as a systemic problem and directing attention to the point after the assault.”

Go ahead and laugh at me for this next segment, but I need an example and it’s the only one I can think of that someone else hasn’t already thought of. I'm allergic to milk and I love Starbucks. Soy frappaccinos have become my new favorite thing – The soy actually makes them sweeter. However, milk substitutes are more expensive. I get it because they're harder to come by, but I'm being charged for having an allergy to milk. You know, I totally chose to be allergic to milk. The same way gay people “chose” to be gay. The same way women “chose” to get raped by wearing revealing clothing or flirting. Seriously? “Asking for it”? When did this become a phrase? Am I asking to have diarrhea later if I chose to not pay extra for soy milk? Absolutely not. No one ever asks to be raped. First of all, rape is sex against your will. Simple as that – Y U NO UNDERSTAND??? Why would anyone want to have sex against their will? 

I’ll give you a hint: They don’t.

Think of the most revolting jerk you know, male or female. Now imagine them forcing you to do stuff. Makes you queasy right? Or think of someone you like making you do something you don't like or aren't ready for. Maybe it's too early in the relationship, maybe you hate giving/receiving that specific act. That thought make you angry? It should. That's the worst part. Someone you like and trust just committed a horrible hate crime against you. 

Just because I pay extra to accommodate my allergy doesn't mean I enjoy having an allergy. Just because a woman wears a low cut top doesn't mean she wants you to cop a feel. 

As we all know, this rape culture stems from sexism. “ ‘Ambivalent sexism’ refers to the combination of hostile sexism and so-called benevolent sexism — two categories of justifications for gender inequality. Hostile sexism is defined as ‘an adversarial view of gender relations in which women are perceived as seeking to control men, whether through sexuality or feminist ideology.’ Benevolent sexism refers to ‘characterizing women as pure creatures who ought to be protected, supported, and adored and whose love is necessary to make a man complete’ ” (Fraser). Both are completely ridiculous.

To which this guy responds epically:

That’s really what a (common) rapist is: someone who hates women. Rape is never about sex, it’s about power and control.